Not in Control…

Not in Control…

This is a blog about my thoughts and feelings at this precise moment. Forgive any self indulgence, I’ll soon snap out of it and be back to my usual annoying self. It is just that from time to time everything gets too much for me and I need to write blogs like this to get it all out of my system. I know what I need to do and I will formulate a plan to make sure I do what I need to survive and thrive.


There is a huge gaping chasm in my life at the moment. In my younger years, this was adequately filled by my obsession with Wrexham AFC. Sad but I was doing no harm to anyone and actually paving the way to write the book I am currently close to completing. My current relationship with the club I love and have supported through thick and thin has been soured, largely due to the clubs treatment of disabled supporters. This can be read about in other blogs that I have written. It will be very interesting to see if my book, which is dedicated to the years that Wrexham AFC spent in the Football League between 1921 and 2008, is supported and promoted by the club. I won’t be holding my breath.

On top of all this, I am still trying to sort out my support with WCBC and the Welsh Government. I spent years trying to ensure that I would not have to rely solely on WCBC and was delighted with the introduction of ICS who promised to provide a high standard of independent social workers. Unfortunately, that did not prove to be the case and I now seem to be totally at the mercy of the shambolic Adult Social Care department at WCBC who need constant prodding by the Welsh Government to get anything done. I am sure you will be able to appreciate my bitterness as this has been hanging over my head since 2015 and in many ways even longer due to the poisoned climate introduced by the Coalition Government in May 2010.

I feel totally empty inside as I try to cope with all this uncertainty. How on earth did I reach the age of 44 without making the significant connection that others seem to find so easy. Of course, I know that there are many exceptions and plenty of others find themselves in a similar boat to me. The difference is that other people can go into a pub, flirt with others and maybe get lucky, while my hearing does not allow this and my body is not attractive to the superficial society in which we live.

My progressive disability is also having a noticeable effect on my body. It is really making it difficult to type at all without considerable support. People do not even have the patience to speak to me on the telephone. I sound slightly different due to my slurred speech, but this does not mean that what I have to say is any less important.

I cannot continue without recognising that I am lucky to have some truly outstanding friends without who I would be lost. They know who they are and they give me the strength to carry on. I know what I need to do. I have to be more positive and write down the problems that need urgent attention. I will do this and I will come back stronger than ever, because that is what I do and I have been lucky enough to reach the age of 44 when many other people with Ataxia have not been so lucky.


From Wikipedia :

Teleman are an English indie pop band formed in London in 2011. The group consists of Thomas Sanders (vocals, guitar), Pete Cattermoul (bass) and Hiro Amamiya (drums).

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