One of my guilty secrets is a passion for watching soap operas. I like to think that I actively watch them and don’t just waste a couple of hours everyday mindlessly staring at the goggle-box surrounded by empty pizza boxes and bottles of Diet Coke.

For example, the title of my first book – Every Silver Lining has a Cloud – was taken from an episode of Coronation Street. There was a scene set in Roy’s Rolls in which Roy Cropper’s mother – Sylvia (Stephanie Cole) – uttered the negative take on a positive line. This appealed to me and I stored it away in my memory bank as a potential title that sums up my particular brand of humour.

I was watching Eastenders the other night and I heard a fantastic quote from Callum “Halfway” Highway (Tony Clay) who was in an ambulance talking with Bobby Beale:

`”Listen, I’ve spent years not accepting who I am. Fighting all this stuff, but it’s my stuff.  And there ain’t no point in fighting it any more.  You’ve got to find a way of accepting yourself, all of yourself. Even the bits you’ve spent ages telling yourself you don’t like. If you’re brave enough to do that, then you’re brave enough to do anything.”

This is such a strong statement that spoke to me personally and made me consider whether or not I am brave enough to accept who I am in my entirety.  I want to reach such a point where I am happy and confident in myself, but the difficult thing about living with Ataxia is that it is a progressive disease. Therefore, I have to constantly re-evaluate the situation that I find myself in and learn to accept my place in society all over again.

I am sure my readers can understand that things aren’t straightforward, but I remain determined to find the door that leads to something known as happiness…

It seems like an impossible quest at the moment. All I know is what doesn’t make me happy. At times this seems like a never ending list of inaccessible activities, or hostile locations without suitable toilet facilities cut off by flights of stairs. Don’t get me started on the arrogant attitudes of many who should know better. It seems that the goal of inclusive community remains a distant dream.

I have some interesting telephone calls and potential plans in my diary for the coming weeks. Hopefully I will be able to reveal more soon, as I try to discover what, if anything, actually make me happy.

The following information was taken from Wikipedia:

Steven Patrick Morrissey (/ˈmɒrɪsiː/; born 22 May 1959), known mononymously as Morrissey, is an English singer, songwriter, and author. He came to prominence as the frontman of the rock band the Smiths, which was active from 1982 to 1987. Since then, he has pursued a commercially successful solo career. Morrissey’s music is characterised by his baritone voice and distinctive lyrical content featuring recurring themes of emotional isolation, sexual longing, self-deprecating and black humour, and anti-establishment stances.